Romanian jokes translated....I hope you have fun!

- What is a big girl(not married) ?- Big girl is a small girl, small and ugly!  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  Wife and husband savagely beat. The judgment is asked what happened:- First I called home during the service, then I undressed and lay me on the bed. And then, with a grin gave the moron telling me to run it on April 1st!  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx If you woke up this morning by the words "Wake up, my dear, I made your favorite breakfast-lunch" means that:1. Sleep mistress.2. You awake yet.3. Evening, eve, she bought a Louis Vuitton bag4. It will serve you lunch mother-in-law, who came to visit for a month.5. You had a night to remember.6. Evening came home dead drunk, and when she wanted to pull your pants, you cursed her and you said you were married!7. Raining and you need to go for a walk with the dog.8. If you have life insurance, smell the coffee first and convince yourself that you do not get poison! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  A gentleman sea water enters to take a swim. Tired from lack of training and swallows water. Lifeguard noticed it, salt water, pulls him to shore and begins to make resuscitation maneuvers. Lord give off water, and some algae, and water and then water algae and seaweed ...Pass a lifeguard there and says:- Mister, get his ass out of the water because otherwise empty all great sea!   xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Two girlfriends discuss:- I love men as much as coffee ...- Understand: black, hard and hot!- No, four times a day!  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx  Q: How is a baby born?R: I bring storks to the door, then put it down and says: "Go in your mother pussy!"  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A Russian oligarch with a Mercedes rage is stopped by a traffic cop. Behind his younger stop an ambulance and a fire truck.The policeman asks:-What are those?-You know you ... You asking again: Where's your first aid kit where you're extinguisher xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx   A real man is the man who rises from bed to rest a bit!  xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx A great philanthropist dies.Widow raising a tombstone with the inscription"Rest in peace!" .Then find that the deceased has left all church property.Right to ask to engrave a row: "By coming to you"!